Wedding Planning Etiquette: Myth vs. Reality
When you’re planning your wedding, you have so many questions – not only about the details of the day itself, but about how to handle sticky situations that come up through the process. Here are six wedding planning myths, and the realities behind them.
Myth:Whoever’s Paying for the Wedding Makes the Final Decisions
Reality:While it’s great that parents and other family members want to help with your big day, they’re doing just that: helping! The most important thing to remember is that it’s your wedding, and it should be exactly what you want. You and your fiance are the ones who have the final say.
Myth: If You Went to Their Wedding, You Have to Invite Them to Yours
Reality: Not at all! If you’re on the fence about people who invited you to their wedding, think about how close you are and how recently the wedding was. If you attended their wedding, and it was a similar scale, within the last year or two, then you should probably invite them. If yours is significantly smaller or is a destination wedding, then don’t. It might be nice, though, to talk to them if you think they could be miffed at the exclusion. Anyone who has been through planning a wedding understands the constraints of budgets and guest list. Another way to alleviate any tension is to plan an informal get-together with people you aren’t able to invite. Remember – there are lots of ways to celebrate a wedding!
Myth: Each Couple’s Parents Gets to Choose a Third of the Guest List
Reality: It’s your wedding! You should have exactly who you want in attendance. If your parents are very invested in the guest list, give them an allotted number of people they can invite, and make it clear that they only have that number of people.
Myth: You Have to Invite Your Entire Office to Your Wedding
Reality: While it’s common to want to include some of your coworkers, you’re under no obligation to have everyone there. If you do include people from work, confine it to a group – like your boss and your team – to help you avoid hurt feelings from inadvertently excluding one or a few people.
Myth: Handwritten Thank You Notes are Outdated
Reality: Handwritten notes might seem old fashioned, but they go a really long way in expressing your gratitude. A text or an email isn’t nearly as personal, and will make the recipient feel like an afterthought. Worse, not sending anything at all could make a guest question whether they made a faux pas or they were forgotten. Make sure to send personalized notes to each guest within three months (max!) of the big day. For pre-wedding events like showers, the timeline is even shorter, so make sure you get those out before the wedding itself. Pro tip: the easiest way to get through those thank you cards is as the gifts start arriving.
Myth: A Registry is for Gifts Only
Reality: People have differing opinions on registries that ask for money, but when it comes down to it, they want to give you a gift that will help you the most. If that’s money, ask your close family to spread the word, and don’t register for anything – or go for a small registry for the most traditional guests. Many couples, especially ones who live together before they’re married, opt to have alternative registries, through Honeyfundor Zola, where you can ask for monetary gifts.